The Art of Timely Instruction
Wisdom. It’s part of our everyday vocabulary. We talk about it; we ask for God to give it; we even pray that God grant it to others. But have we ever stopped to consider what wisdom really is? If we did, we might find that a word so familiar can leave us speechless.
What is wisdom? How can it be applied in everyday life? And more specifically, how can parents be wise in applying instruction and bringing up their children? In this brief commentary, we will consider the meaning of wisdom as used in the Bible and practical applications for parents today.
Introduction
When I reflect on wisdom, I immediately think of the book of wisdom: Proverbs. After all, this is the book of the Bible in which we find practical advice for everyday living—and parenting. There are many passages in this book that are worthy of attention, and a great many references to “wisdom.” Among these, let us consider Proverbs 31:26 for a moment.
She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
--Proverbs 31:26
This short verse speaks volumes, as we will see later on. For now, let us consider this passage a starting point from which any student of the Word of God can embark on a journey of discovery. As we explore this topic, we will learn that wisdom touches on all aspects of life, big or small; that it concerns both our very relationship with God and those tiny details that make up ordinary life.
Before we begin, however, a word to the men:
Many readers consider Proverbs 31, with its long description of the virtuous wife, a chapter for women. Many men automatically respond as if God did not intend this portion of His Word for them at all. To such readers, I have two responses: first, the entire Word of God is profitable to all; second, the virtue of “wisdom” is necessary for all, whether man or woman. Having said this, however, I’d like to add that we will be considering this particular verse alongside other relevant passages that are not specifically directed at women.
In fact, we might compare the structure of this commentary to the shape of an hourglass: broad at the top and bottom, narrow in the middle. First, we will consider the larger implications of wisdom as it relates to our relationship with God; then we will focus on its specific usage and meaning in Proverbs 31:26; finally, we will conclude with a practical survey in which we learn to think of wisdom as a skill or art form.
The Bigger Picture: Wisdom and Our Relationship with God
We cannot talk about wisdom without talking about God. Wisdom cannot be understood apart from our relationship with God. In its very opening chapter, the book of Proverbs teaches just that.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge
But fools despise wisdom and discipline.
Proverbs 1:7
Now in this brief commentary, we don’t have room to fully analyze this important verse. Suffice it to say, this verse ushers in a generalization: that wisdom is directly connected to our relationship with God. Or, to be more precise, that wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord, and that this “fear” is not some terrible, sinking feeling but rather a genuine reverence that comes from knowing God. This knowledge involves a deep understanding of our position with regards to our Creator, causing us to live in humble submission to Him.
In short, He is the master, and we must remember the purpose for which we were created in His image. All aspects of our servant’s life should be subservient to Him; every thought, word or action should reflect Him and His Word. Even more so when it comes to instructing our children! Parents should be properly awed by the tremendous responsibility of raising godly children. They are to impart the knowledge of God to their children that their children might also be faithful to Him.
Wisdom, you see, is not a matter of the intellect. It is not only to be grasped by the mind. In fact, the book of Proverbs shows us that wisdom consists of much, much more. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of true wisdom, and this informed position defines our very relationship with God! The wise parent, then, is one who has a right relationship with God, and seeks to help his or her own child develop that same relationship with the heavenly Father.
A Closer Look: Wisdom as Faithful Instruction
Keeping the bigger picture in mind, we can now redirect our attention to Proverbs 31:26.
She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
The wisdom mentioned here does not consist of a parent’s own words. It does not require a clever or trendy manner of expression. Instead, this wisdom is found in the Word of God, which contains the very nurture and admonition of our Lord. Or, to quote from the Psalmist, this Word is like a “lamp unto (the) feet” (Psalm 119:105).
In the early stages of childhood, when kids are still “kids” in spiritual age, mom or dad can hold that lamp. We might call it a kind of spiritual handholding. In fact, such hands-on care is part of God’s design in parenting. The parent is to be ever alert and practical in guiding his or her charge, with the express purpose of bringing up a new generation faithful to God. This is made clear in the second half of verse 26.
Before we explore this verse any further, however, it might be profitable to take a crash course in Hebrew poetry. We see in the verse abovetwo clauses separated by an “and.” The poetic balance between the two lines is very important. The first clause, “She speaks with wisdom,” is intended to parallel the second, “faithful instruction is on her tongue.” The two statements have different nuances but mean essentially the same thing. In fact, we can now cross-over definitions: The “wisdom” of the first clause can be amplified with the “faithful instruction” of the second, and vice versa. But what exactly is meant by “faithful?”
This key word warrants a quick study of the nature of God, because He Himself is faithful. It is part of who He is. You see, God is faithful, whatever the situation. He is faithful despite the ups and downs of everyday life. He is faithful to the very end. And because He is so faithful, we respond out of gratitude by striving to be faithful to Him. Knowing this, we have a clearer understanding of how important the word “faithful” is in this context. We can now see God’s intended meaning in verse 26: the wisdom that a parent speaks essentially consists of instruction on how to be faithful to God.
If we were to ask why it is important for our children to be faithful, the answer would be quite simple: our children belong to God. It’s as simple as that! Still, in the day-to-day details of providing for our kids, we often lose sight of this basic truth. We also forget that each child is a gift from God and that the gift remains connected to the Giver, so much so that it never quite leaves His hands—even after it is given! This profound concept warrants its own discussion, but for now, suffice it to say that the Giver of all good things remains intimately connected to His good gifts. And we are called to be faithful in raising our children to be faithful to Him.
This reminds me of a true story. There was once a mother of four sons, each of whom became ministers of the Gospel. As a matter of fact, the lady’s husband was also a minister: G. Campbell Morgan. The story goes that at a family reunion, someone asked, “Which Morgan is the greatest preacher?” And one of the Morgan boys looked at his father and said, “Mother!”
Never having stood behind a pulpit, Mother Morgan was the greatest of all the Morgan ministers. What she preached were words of wisdom, and what those words produced were children faithful to God. Those four sons were living testimonies to the intergenerational ministry that transpired within that household. Truly, we could say that Mother Morgan was an exemplar of the woman described in Proverbs 31:26.
Practical Application
So far, we’ve laid the Biblical groundwork for a general definition of wisdom, and studied how it played out in a particular verse in the Proverbs. In this final section, we will consider wisdom and its practical application—because it’s one thing to understand the Word of God and another to understand the heart of a young child.
Every parent has been caught off-guard, rendered speechless, or left incapacitated in certain situations regarding his or her child. All the theological study on wisdom and faithful instruction can still leave you wondering what to do. And this brings us full circle to one of the first questions we’d asked at the very start of the piece: how can wisdom be applied in the day-to-day—and more specifically, to the role of parent?
In the next section, I propose that practical wisdom is a skill to be acquired and developed—not unlike an apprenticeship that leads to mastery of a craft—and the art of dispensing instruction in a timely fashion.
Wisdom as a Life Skill
The word “wisdom” turns up in many unexpected places in the Bible. In fact, a reader might be astonished to come across this lofty term in the most mundane descriptions. But really, such surprise should quickly lead to comfort because that’s where we most need wisdom: in the ordinary day-to-day.
Take this example found in Exodus:
Every skilled woman spun with her hands and brought what she had spun—blue,
purple or scarlet yarn or fine linen.
Exodus 35:25
Where, you might ask, do we see any mention of wisdom in this verse? Unfortunately, the English translation does not convey the full meaning of the original verse. To better understand this passage, we need to reference the original Hebrew, in which we find that the word here translated “skilled” actually refers to wisdom.
In this verse we have a description of a woman who knows how to work with yarn or linen. She knows how to dye the fabric, dry it correctly in the sun, prepare it, and then spin it. Yet the Exodus writer does not describe her work using some technical garment industry jargon. Rather, we find that her skill at working with her hands is called wisdom.
Or consider this example, which discusses skilled men:
Tell all the skilled men to whom I have given wisdom in such matters that they are to make garments for Aaron, for his consecration, so he may serve me as priest.
Exodus 28:3
The word “wisdom” appears twice in this verse. The first time, it is translated “skilled,” the second as the actual English word “wisdom.” Just as spinning yarn or linen requires a particular skill, so does the making of the priestly garments. It’s not a job for just anyone.
There are many similar examples in the Bible, and I will list a few more in passing:
Wisdom in metal craftsmanship:
And he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze…
Exodus 35:31-32
Wisdom in the construction of the sanctuary:
So Bezalel, Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the LORD has given skill
and ability to know how to carry out all the work of constructing the sanctuary
are to do the work just as the LORD has commanded.
Exodus 36:1
Actually, this last verse is one of my favorite examples, maybe because I am always impressed by those who have construction and home improvement skills. A construction worker, an electrician, a plumber or a mason—these are people who have specialized knowledge in a particular field. You wouldn’t call on a plumber to do your wiring. Neither did God send out an open invitation to every man to pick up a hammer. Only the skilled workers were invited.
Looking at these examples, we should be struck by the nonchalance with which the Exodus writer uses the word “wisdom.” He just tosses that word into lines describing everyday labor! And so we find that our study of this lofty-seeming term has taken us on a surprising journey into the everyday world of everyday people: spinners, garment-makers, masons, construction workers. And the list only grows from there. In fact, we might add the word “parents.”
No one would say that parenting doesn’t require skill, or that it doesn’t require wisdom. Now, if we turn back to Proverbs 31:26, we remember that a particular type of wisdom required of parents is faithful instruction. If we combine that definition with our current one, we come up with this encouraging equation: giving faithful instruction is also a skill! And like all skills, it takes time to develop.
Here I’d like to insert a quick word of encouragement to those parents who find that words of wisdom don’t just roll off their tongues. I have a hunch that the wise woman of Proverbs was also tongue-tied at the start of her apprenticeship. We often forget that godliness is not a personality trait or natural inclination, but rather, requires training (1 Timothy 4:7). Training implies a “process,” and processes involve ups and downs. But God gives us the ability to learn from our mistakes as well as our successes, and as we progress, we gain something powerful: experience. Experience is a gift from God; we might consider it a kind of deposit made toward future situations.
Consider the spinner. What does she rely on when she creates fine linen? How does she gain “fluency” in drawing out skeins of yarn? Experience. Or consider the stone mason. His hands “read” the surface of the stone he is about to cut. He knows the weight of his hammer and the sharpness of his chisel. How does he gain confidence? How does he know that each blow he strikes will perfectly carry out his intentions? Experience. Consider also that this experienced craftsman was once a rookie cutter, whose blows were all too often a literal hit-or-miss.
If you feel that most of your parenting has consisted less of “hits” than “misses,” read again the examples of the skilled workers, and meditate on the time, dedication and application it must have taken for these craftsmen to develop their skill. Consider how their expertise came of long experience. Of course, God is the provider of wisdom. However, the wisdom he offers is not just bestowed; rather, it is a life skill to be developed. As you begin to train yourself and accumulate experience, both good and bad, your children will respond to your faithful instruction and give praise to God.
Wisdom as the Art of Timely Instruction
In our discussion thus far, we have discussed the various meanings and applications of wisdom, and seen how versatile and practical it can be. A parent might even get the impression that wisdom is simply the process of dispensing this knowledge to his or her child. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple—because life isn’t that simple. I am not saying that wisdom is anything less than teaching our children the Word of God, but I am saying that it requires much more. Our children are not machines, and the many issues, confusions and conflicting emotions they experience often make them even harder to read. A parent might find that a technique worked beautifully one time, and utterly failed the next. So how are we to be wise parents? In this next section, I would like to discuss one important aspect of faithful instruction—a skill so significant that I call it an art: the art of timely instruction.
Speaking words of wisdom is not just a matter of content; it also requires context. In other words, when we instruct our children is just as important as what we instruct. We are always emphasizing what to say or how to say it. But the Scriptures place just as much emphasis on when we are to say things. Now, this Biblical strategy is not so well-known, and perhaps our ignorance comes from our naïve perspective that God’s Word simply fits all situations. This is technically true, but also practically complicated. Timing is crucial. And such timing is not easy to master.
As with many aspects of our Christian walk, it requires diligence to attain it—even more so because it impacts our fragile children, who require delicate handling. Developing the life-skills needed to administer timely instruction might be compared to developing artistic abilities. It requires more than dispensing instructional data or even imparting Biblical information; it necessitates a kind of spiritual sixth sense: an ability to read the situation.
Now some parents believe it is their God-given right to speak at any time, in any place, in any situation. But this is simply not true. Consider the following verse:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
-- Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
This is a very well-known verse in the Bible, and most Christians remember it in the context of “unwholesome talk.” But there is a little phrase in this verse that is often neglected: “according to their needs.” In the original Greek, this translates: “according to the need of the moment.” In fact, this is not only a verse about unwholesome talk, but about the right words spoken at the right time. And the Bible says that if the timing is right, there will be a benefit to those who listen. However, any time is not the right time. The parent who offers faithful instruction needs to seek the appropriate time for such instruction: the “teachable moment.”
“The teachable moment” is easy to define (that time when a child is ready to receive instruction) but not so easy to recognize. Perhaps an example will better illustrate my point:
In the 1700s, there lived a boy named Benjamin West. One day, young Benjamin’s mother left him to look after his little sister, Sally. Benjamin got out some bottles of colored ink and proceeded to create Sally’s portrait, staining the table, the chairs and the floor in the process. When his mother returned, she immediately saw the mess, but held her tongue until she had evaluated the situation. What did this wise mother do? She picked the portrait out of the mess and exclaimed: “Why, it’s Sally!” then bent to kiss the little artist. Rather than reacting impulsively, this mother waited until she was able to understand the need of the moment.
We can see the lasting impact of this incident some twenty-odd years later. During this time, Benjamin West was assigned to paint another portrait: that of England’s King George III. When asked about his progression as an artist, one who had a profound influence on historical painting in Great Britain, West is said to have replied: "My mother’s kiss made me a painter."
Now, let’s consider two contemporary examples in which the right thing was said at the wrong time:
A certain man I knew was lying in bed, having been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Many members from his church came to visit him and, in the course of their conversation, asked him to make a charitable donation to the church as part of his last will and testament. Right idea. Bad time. The man never returned to that church.
Or this similar example:
A boy was hospitalized for a head injury. His mother rushed into the room. Instead of providing sympathy or comfort, she started berating him for his carelessness. Technically, she was right: he should have been more careful. But again, the timing was completely off. The boy was humiliated.
Now review yourself for a minute and consider your own personal history. Was every moment in your life a teachable moment? Or were there times when friends or teachers offered you counsel from the Word, but you were closed to such well-intentioned advice? Had you ever found those same words suddenly valuable at a later time? If so, you will probably agree that timing is indeed important. Again: wisdom is the art of timely instruction.
This reminds me of a few passages in Proverbs that say this very thing:
Proverbs 25:11 (NAS)
Like apples of gold in settings of silver
Is a word spoken in right circumstances.
“Apples of gold” imply something of great value, as is the right word spoken at the right time.
A man has joy in an apt answer,
And how delightful is a timely word!
--Proverbs 15:23 (NAS)
Notice again the two parallel lines, and how they reflect each other.
If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning,
it will be taken as a curse.
--Proverbs 27:14 (NIV)
I find this example hilarious—perhaps because it’s so true to life. The “neighbor” in this passage is obviously not a morning person. Unfortunately, the speaker is. And to the late riser, those early morning blessings feel like a curse.
Finally, one sobering example:
Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day…
Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart.
--Proverbs 25:20 (NAS)
Have you ever removed your jacket on a freezing day? The sudden change in temperature can feel piercing. And that is the description of the man who sings songs to a troubled heart. Again, we see the importance of context: songs, however well sung, do not fit the context of a troubled heart.
Parents should also consider the context of their children’s hearts. We often forget, or dismiss, childhood troubles—mostly because we have grown past such dilemmas ourselves and no longer see them as such. At a moment’s notice, we are ready to speak from our wealth of experience. We are insensitive to the tender, vulnerable aspect of childhood. We are more inclined to give instruction than sympathy. But not every moment is designed for instruction. Knowing the right moment is a spiritual sense that we must ask God for.
With small children, right timing is not that complicated: the timing is usually now. If it’s bedtime, you say “Go to bed.” In fact, young children mostly require immediate instruction: “Don’t touch that—or you’ll get burned.” “Brush your teeth.” “Eat your food before it gets cold.” It’s almost like puppy training. In puppy school, you are taught to make your instructions clear and immediate. If you wait five hours and then try to deal with a mess on a floor, the puppy will not understand. That five hour delay definitely misses the teachable moment. Instead, parents must deal with the matter at hand. The instant is the teachable moment.
However, as children grow, their lives become complicated, and the question of timing becomes more difficult as well. Adolescence is an especially confusing time for our children—a period in which they require the most delicate handling. However, many parents are still accustomed to an earlier method of instruction, one that had worked well on pre-adolescent children, and “swoop” in on a given situation at a moment’s notice. Parents fail to realize that as children grow and change, so too must their manner of instruction. No teenage girl wants her parents “swooping” anywhere near her problems. But she just might appreciate a timely word of advice.
The trick to timely advice is learning when to speak and when to hold your tongue. The wise parent knows that there is a time for everything. And so, the wise parent waits. But he or she doesn’t just wait. The wise parent creates the right time.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.
--Proverbs 15:2
In fact, this “waiting and creating” is a vital part of instruction that leads to faithfulness. This is God’s will for parents. In fact, I believe that God Himself waits and creates. He does not indiscriminately bombard us with instruction, but is sensitive to our needs and moments of greatest receptivity. Of course it is true that at any given time, God is working in us. However, it is also true that God sometimes waits for the right time to give more explicit teaching, creating an opportune moment in which we can learn how to be faithful to him. And so, in a profound way, our call to speak timely wisdom is a reflection of how God treats us.
A classic example is found in 2 Samuel 11: the story of King David and Bathsheba. It is a tale of infidelity, intrigue, scandal and murder. Many of us are familiar with the events: David spots Bathsheba bathing on a rooftop and commits adultery with her, then has her husband killed in battle to cover up his original sin, and finally, having rid himself of the inconvenient husband, takes Bathsheba as his own wife. Perhaps he even thinks that in doing so, he is in some way making up for his initial mistake. And for a while, it seems that God is going to do nothing about it.
Instead of swooping in to exact immediate justice, God chooses to wait. He is waiting because He is creating. Quite literally, during this entire time, the perfect moment of His choosing is still gestating. And then, nine months after David commits his sin, Bathsheba bears him a son. This is the moment God has been waiting for. He sends His prophet, Nathan, not only with harsh words of rebuke but also with the news that David’s son will die. You see, God does demonstrate His abhorrence for David’s sin, but He also shows Himself to be a God of compassion and forgiveness. His timely rebuke allows His servant David to experience genuine repentance and restoration.
I sometimes wonder what might have happened if God had confronted David on the very heels of his sin. At that moment, would David have been receptive to God’s reprimand? Or would he have become defensive? Might he even have committed greater sins in order to cover up his earlier transgression? We can’t know for sure. But what we can witness is God’s wise forbearance to His servant, even in the midst of his sin. And because we contemporary Christians have access to the complete Word of God, we can see something even bigger: God’s greater plan of salvation unfolding through history—even unto the cross. This is God’s infinite and yet timely wisdom made manifest unto us.
Conclusion
We are only human beings; our wisdom is limited and we don’t always get the timing right. However, our God is a God of infinite wisdom. And so, ultimately, the wise parent is the one who leans on His grace, mercy, strength, insight and great love.
In these closing remarks, I am reminded of another child born to David and Bathsheba, a future king of Israel, whom God spared, and loved. He pleased God by asking for a discerning heart when, in a dream, he was offered anything he desired. Of course, that child was King Solomon—a man renowned for his wisdom and “a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore” (1 Kings 4:29).
Now if God was pleased with Solomon’s request for a discerning heart in governing his children—the people of Israel, don’t you think He would be pleased to grant you wisdom in governing yours?
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