The Life Chapters of a Father
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Introduction
It is universally assumed that one’s life is never the same again once a child is born. Besides marriage, it is probably the greatest life changing experience. Books abound as to how to handle all the challenges that bombard the struggling parent. Clever and creative resources pop up every day in the local bookstores, on TV shows, and on the internet. And with all this information surrounding us, the parent can become dizzy at the prospect of assimilating it all.
One clear and present danger is the loss of a basic biblical perspective on having children and how it changes us. With all the how-to resources out there, we can often be caught up chasing every trend that comes our way and forget some of the basic spiritual truths that ought to be guiding our hearts. This can happen to both the mother and the father.
In this brief work, I have chosen to consider the father and how having a son or sons changes him. Now, I must quickly balance this by saying that having daughters brings dramatic changes to the father as well. And the experience of this writer is a loud testimony of how two girls have permanently changed his life, changes that bring no regret as I shall express later. God forbid that my two girls or anyone else get the wrong impression! The last thing I desire is their wrath unleashed upon me!
And so, I should be clear that this work about the impact of boys is not written at the expense of the wonderful impact that girls make on a father’s life! Some day, it will be this writer’s turn to write about the great gift of daughters.
I must admit that one of the main reasons for choosing this topic is the desire to understand how the father himself changes as his sons grow up. Though resources pop up every day, there really aren’t that many that deal with this particular topic. Now this is not to say that the biblical principles of a father and son relationship are so exclusive that mothers and daughters have nothing to learn. Rather, I would hope that they would also read on and find plenty of biblical truths that bear on their lives as well. In fact, I would hope that singles, both men and women would also enter the discussion and discover perspectives that will prepare them for the next chapter of their lives.
And with all this, I wish to focus the attention entirely on Psalm 127:3-5. Of course, there are other significant places to visit. But in this brief work, these three verses of the psalm shall be our home. As a side note, I want to acknowledge that all of Psalm 127 is a unit. But there are clearly two distinct parts to this song (the Psalms were written as worship songs). Part one is verses one through two, and part two is verses three through five. Notice the larger editorial space between verses two and three in some the English Bibles. This large space is placed their by the Bible translators as a recognition that this song has two parts. Someday, it will be worthwhile to stitch the two together. But for now, our goal is the second half of this song, the relationship between the father and his sons and how this relationship changes him.
Psalm 127:3-5
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD ,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Now, it will surprise many when I propose that David did not write this psalm! I say this, because people generally assume that all the psalms are written by him. That is simply not true. But despite that fact, even preachers today carelessly preach about David being the author when the text itself clearly points to another. It is as if the assumption is so strong that it just rolls off our tongue, unable to be stopped. But, I will stop here before this discussion leads us elsewhere. For now, we shall keep it simple by just reading the text. For the opening words of Psalm 127 (before verse one!) clearly reveals the true author as King Solomon, David’s son. And Solomon’s reputation as a teacher of wisdom precedes him. And so, we should expect to find great words of wisdom for the father and son relationship.
The wisdom of the father as a worship song
And these words of wisdom are put into song form for the father to sing. Much can be written as to why God would do this, but that will have to postponed until another time. For now, it is just accepted that this was God’s intention, that the father sing about his relationship with his children.
In fact, the father is to sing about his relationship to his children as he goes off to worship. This is made clear by the introduction of this song. You see, the words before verse one designate this particular song as a “song of ascent.” The songs of ascent are Psalms 120-134, gathered together as worship preparation songs. In other words, these 15 songs are designed to help the worshipper prepare his or her heart for praising God in the sanctuary. As Jerusalem sits on a hill, the people would have a difficult climb. Distractions would come easy, especially to a father who may have his sons with him. Parents today can attest to how traveling to worship with children can often result in hearts unprepared for praise. I’m sure the ancient fathers had it harder because they did not have comfortable minivans to transport their families. The fathers back then would have to be mindful of their families as well as be fit for the difficult journey on foot. And so, the songs of ascents are intended to help the worshipper to focus as he ascended up the hill to worship.
And so, this father sings of his sons. And this particular song takes him through a spiritual survey of his life as a father. It reminds him of basic truths about his relationship with God, the blessings he enjoys now, and the future blessings that will come because of his sons.
The life-stages of the father
My basic proposal is that the entire life of the father is presented in these three verses. Modern readers might be surprised by such an interpretation. For our assumption is that it would take a novel’s worth of pages to unfold a father’s entire life. How can 3 shorts verses do this?
The answer comes by understanding the basic difference between biblical poetry and biblical prose. In prose, a person’s life can be told over many chapters. Consider for example that Genesis 12-50 contain the life story of essentially four people: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. That is a lot of chapters dedicated to four people. But we are not surprised, because prose is a style of writing that we are familiar with. In contrast, poetry tells its story through short compact lines with rhythm and rhyme. It is a completely different style of writing. It’s not better; it’s just different. And so, the difference of poetry requires a different strategy of reading. It will be a strategy that examines the balance of lines and the key words that are used. And through this examination, a message just as powerful as one that might be written in prose will be found. And so, going back to the point, the entire life of the father will be seen over these three verses. I will organize these three verses as representing three distinct stages in the father’s life. I will call them “life-stages.” And each one will bring a change to the father as the sons grow. And these changes will become a cause to give God praise. And so, it is this worship song about the father and his sons in verses three through five that will be our focus.
Life stage: The new father who is blessed with an inheritance, v.3
Verse three begins with an attention-getter. It may not be in your Bible, but it is there in the original text. It is the word “behold.” Some English translations choose to leave it out, but in reality, this word, in the original Hebrew language, serves an important function, for it tells the reader to pay attention. It is as if the father is looking somewhere else and now the King Solomon taps him on the shoulder and turns his attention towards what is laid out in the following verses. And so, with this word the father now braces himself as he is about to discover how his sons will change his life.
Again, my proposal is that the life stages of the father are presented in verses three through five. And so, here the father is a new father. He is the man who either found out that his wife is with child or he is the man who is now holding the newborn in his hand; it does not matter. This is the beginning stage of his fatherhood.
And this man is now called to pay attention as to how his sons are a gift (“heritage”) from the Lord. Lest the father settles into the thought that he himself is primarily responsible for producing life, Scripture tells him that God is the giver of all good things. Lest the man celebrates his great accomplishment, wisdom from above reveals that God Himself is actually worthy of praise. In fact, all the psalms have the direct purpose of praising God. And so, this one must not be different.
In fact, the word in the original text for “heritage” literally means “inheritance.” Now, this word may invite certain images to our minds, but we should be more concerned about the image that God Himself intended by using this powerful word. For, the picture He draws in our minds is of the promised land. The promised land is the inheritance that God gave to the nation of Israel. To the modern father, such a picture may not make any sense at first gaze. Who today compares a newborn son to a piece of real estate? But to the new father holding his new son, the intended analogy is that of the holy land that was promised to the forefathers.
In this case, the risk of being sidetracked is low since developing the very meaning of the promised land has direct application to the new father. Among the many applications that can be made, there are three prominent ones. First, the land itself was the symbol of God’s love and commitment to His chosen nation. He is truly the giver of all good things. Even before the nation knows what it needs, God is committed to provide such a blessing to them. And for this great inheritance, the nation gives praise to God. And so, the father is called to see his newborn this way. Second, the land represents the very grace of God, for it is not something that the people earned. As the new father considers the land that flows with milk and honey, he is reminded that the land was already in that conditionbefore the nation moved in. Deuteronomy 6:10-12 is a strong reminder that such a bountiful land was not of their own doing and so they must not forget the one who gave it to them. So the new father is now in the same position to remember who gave him his son. And finally, the land as an inheritance creates a very special relationship between God and His people. In fact, once the gift is given, the relationship begins. Unlike some concepts of gift giving, this one creates a lasting bond. In a profound way, the Giver does not really let go of the gift. But He holds on and even binds the recipient to a call of faithfulness. The nation of Israel understands that the great gift was not to be abused in any way. It is gift that brings with it all kinds of responsibilities that reflect their relationship with the giver. To be unfaithful to the gift would usher in judgment from the one who gave it. After all, the land was always to be given as a recompense or reward for their faithfulness to Him. And their history shows that their unfaithfulness left them wandering in the wilderness instead of collecting their inheritance. An eleven day journey from a land of slavery to the promised land is turned into a forty year wandering. Clearly, the land requires faithfulness. And so it is with the new father. He must understand that the new life that he holds in his arms continues to belong to great giver of life. This child brings with him or her all kinds of responsibilities that directly affect the father’s relationship with the giver. Again, to be unfaithful to the gift would usher in judgment from the one who gave it. And so, when the new father considers the deep meanings related to the promised land, he can begin to understand the deep meanings that a new son brings into his life.
Just for fun, let me say that I do like the name “Jonathan.” It is a combination of two Hebrew words that means “God gave.” The meaning is clear: God is the one who gives us new life, in this case, a son. And for me, it is a great reflection of Psalm 127:3. With that in mind, I remember putting in my vote for this name when our family was discussing potential names for the new addition to our family. Having two older daughters would make the process of finding the right name a dramatic one. Daughters are truly special and yet funny to watch as they dominate the discussion as if they were the ones delivering the child! In the end, the name is voted out by the sister-committee. Alas, my son is named “Zachary” which in it of itself has profound meaning. But, that’s another story for another writing project. For now, whether his name is Zachary or Jonathan, two things remain the same: what this child is and what my calling is as a new father. The child is a gift from God, and it is calling to be give praise to Him and to be faithful in taking care of this precious gift.
This is the poetry found in the first line of verse three. All this is seen in this simple poetic line. This is the workings of biblical poetry. But rarely is a poetic line left alone. Usually, though not always, it is followed by a parallel line that says roughly the same thing. Here, we will not go into any deep analysis. Suffice it to say that the second line of verse three pretty much repeats the same meaning of the first line. Of course, no two lines share the exact same meaning. Each line will always make some independent contribution.
And so it is here that the second line of verse three also speaks of God being the giver of great gifts. And this time, “sons” is made parallel to “children.” Meaning wise, they are interchangeable with one another. But not only this, the independent contribution of the second line is the broadening of the scope to include all children and not just the sons. The second line reads “children [are] a reward from him.” Of course, God loves all children. God clearly loves the daughters just as much as the sons. In fact, in the original Hebrew, “children” literally means “fruit of the womb.” This would obviously include the daughters. The message is that all the “fruit of the womb” is from the Lord. And so, even though sons are highlighted in the opening line, we must conclude that it is not at the expense of the daughters. Surely, it would be mistake to think that having daughters would be somewhat of a lesser blessing from Him. God forbid my two daughters, who are both voracious readers, picking up this work and thinking that I love my son more than them!
Personally, I never thought of my two girls as a somewhat lesser gift from God. In fact, I don’t remember a time when I regretted having them. And that is because there never was such a time! To be clear, I never felt “ripped off” by God. The only times I ever think of such a possibility is when others come to me and ask if I wished I had a boy. Now, there is nothing wrong with wishing such a thing. But usually the question is asked with a underlying feeling that girls are a lesser blessing from God. There are cultures today that propagate such thinking, that sons are better than girls. There are even countries today that have laws that make it inconvenient to have daughters instead of sons. Such laws would create a feeling that it’s far better to have a son. I know of a little girl in a far off country that I absolutely adore. She is a precious little girl. But her parents speak to me of how hard it is to have her and how they wished they had a son.
It would be a tragic mistake to think that God’s blessings are different between a boy and a girl.
Such tragedy is seen everyday. There is the true story of man I know who was so excited to have a son. He goes into the delivery room expecting and anxiously waiting. When the child is born, the doctor congratulates him on the safe delivering of a baby…girl. The story goes that he was so convinced that God would give him a boy that he did not even have girl’s name ready. And when it came time to record his daughter’s name, he flippantly picks one out of the air. The only reason why I know this story is because the mother of the child tells the story as a way of dealing with her own pain. The story continues that as the child grows, the father’s perspective does not change. He loves his daughter, but he publicly longs for a son. And one day, God graciously grants him a son. And I remember driving with him one day along with a few others. His joy for his new son could not be contained. He tells the story of the blessing he received from the Lord. And in a surprising twist, he uses an Olympic analogy of receiving medals. His analogy connects God’s gift of a daughter to a silver medal. And that now with his newborn son, he has received the gold medal. It’s one thing for an unbeliever to say this. But he is a believer. In fact, he is a pastor in a rather large ministry!
Two important perspectives rush to my mind. The first is the most obvious. All children are to be equal blessings from the Lord. God knows of no such discrimination. And in these two poetical lines, the word “sons” is parallel in meaning to “children.” The case is closed. Now, the second perspective may not be as obvious but is just as important. From the analysis that the two poetic line are parallel, we can deduce that there is another parallel relationship. Like “sons” to “children,” “heritage” is made parallel in meaning to “reward.” And so, just like “heritage” (or inheritance) invites profound meanings of God’s love, grace, and recompense for their faithfulness (see above), the word “reward” also ushers in similar meaning. For a reward is something given as a recompense of worthy behavior. It is a not something to be earned. That would be an “award.” There is a big difference between a reward and an award. The first involves His grace and call to faithfulness, the second involves your own merits and works. If children are an award, then we could rightly speak as though we have won Olympic medals. Biblically speaking, “children are a reward from Him.” So much more could be written on this matter.
The new father must be fully aware that such discrimination is alive and well today. From God’s perspective, there is no difference between a son and a daughter as far as their essenceJust because sons are highlighted does not mean that daughters are not in God’s eyes. The focus here just happens to be the sons. And the father has much to “behold” about his sons, as he transitions through the dramatic stages of his life. In fact, the father sings of what he beholds as he goes to worship, praising God for His gracious gifts.
Life stage: The established father who is blessed with confidence and happiness, v.4-5a
Again, poetry is not like prose. A lot happens in just a few short lines. And as we enter verse four, his sons have grown and he is now an established father. And again, Psalm 127 is far more than just the blessing of having sons, it also includes the life stages of the father and the spiritual blessings he receives along the way.
And here in verse four, Solomon shows his mastery of using analogies. The king looks at this stage of fatherhood and realizes that the newness of fatherhood is gone. Now, the man is established. His sons are grown and able to help him in life. There is a certain confidence about him because he has his sons. And so, Solomon likens the young (cf. “youth”) father to a warrior.
And here is where picturing arrows in the hands of a warrior offers no help at all. For those readers that are trying to picture children looking like arrows, it is not worth the imagination. Such visuals God does not intend. Rather, He has another purpose. In fact, in the Old Testament, many of the images serve an entirely different purpose than creating a visual image in our minds. In most cases and this one as well, the image has a more functional purpose than a visual one. That is, the image speaks more about the function of arrows in the hands of a warrior than the visual of arrows being held. Such a visual has no value for us today. It becomes merely a point of interest. But from a functional perspective, it has great value. For, it points to (no pun intended!) how it impacts the warrior himself.
To understand the function of arrows, consider the warrior who stands ready for battle. He is the first in line. He is an archer, and therefore he is sent to the front of the line. Ancient battles usually begin with arrows being shot. As the archer prepares himself, he looks down at his hands and confirms the strong arrows he is holding. He feels the strength in the shaft and notices the sharpness of the point. And in that moment before the skies are filled with arrows, he feels a tremendous sense of confidence. Imagine what kind of feeling an archer has if he looked down and found only his sack lunch! What if his arrows are missing or stolen? And worse, what if the enemy is rushing towards him and he has nothing to shoot? Such a warrior would turn around and run. He would simply have no confidence in battle.
To have sons who are now grown and capable is likened to an archer having arrows in his hands.
The father is now confident about life. For, he is not alone. He has his sons by his side. Again, this is not to take anything away from the blessings of having daughters. But here, the focus is on the father who is now established in life. And from his sons, he now feels confidence.
Someone once said: “No one is more helpless than a newborn…father.” This is the truth! Mothers seem to know what to do. It seems to come so much more naturally to the mother. The father on the other hand is the very opposite. Everything seems to come so unnaturally to him. In short, the last feeling he feels is confidence. Holding a newborn in his arms, the natural feeling is fear, hoping that he does hurt the child as he is holding him. Where is the sense of warrior like confidence?
Well, it comes much later after two happen – when his children grow and when he also grows into his role as a faithful father. And so, we have here – life stages. One life stage becoming a building block for the next. The blessings of becoming a new father lead to the confidence of becoming an established father. It will not happen right away. God does not expect the newborn father to feel confidence right away. But God does expect the father to feel this way as the father transitions to the next stage – the stage of established fatherhood.
In fact, God desires for the father to feel this way. It is not God’s will for the young man to go through life alone (unless it is a special calling from Him). Instead, God has designed it for the man to have support. And what better support is there than to have faithful sons by a father’s side! There is no greater confidence.
And from this confidence comes happiness. One good feeling leads to another. The established father is now content and satisfied. For as we enter verse five, we see that this father is called “blessed” which literally means “happy.” His inner state of confidence now manifests itself as happiness. Confidence and happiness become intertwined. And so, happy is the man who has many sons.
In fact, Solomon continues the analogy of the archer, describing the warrior with many arrows at his disposal. For instead of having just arrow, the archer has a quiver full of them. The quiver is a leather container that holds arrows. The ones that are strapped to a warrior’s back can hold up to 30 arrows, and the one that is strapped to a chariot can hold as many as 50 arrows. In fact, in ancient times, arrows were referred to as "the sons of the quiver."
But again, the purpose is not just to help the reader visualize a full quiver. Rather, it is the function of such an image. The function is the create a sense of contentment and of satisfaction. The warrior is happy to be in battle when he has a quiver full of arrows. It is as simple as that. And so, the established father sings of his full quiver as he goes to worship.
Life stage: The retiring father who is blessed with security, v.5b
As we approach the final section, I should say once again that poetry is not like prose. A lot happens in just a few short lines. And as we enter the second half of verse five, his sons are seen as fully grown and established themselves. And the father is now viewed in the advanced stage of his life. Unlike a novel that may spend many chapters unfolding a father’s life, poetry is now taking us on a quick journey through the father’s life in just a few sharp verses. And in this final sharp turn, we catch a glimpse into the future.
Notice the sudden shift in the verb tense to the future tense. Poetry is quick and sharp and to the point. In the future, the father will fade out of the picture. He is no longer the newborn father. In fact, he is no longer the established father. He will become the retiring father.
In fact the father is so retired in the future that he is no longer the focus. Notice in these final two poetic lines, the children will become the focus as they become fully grown. Notice the shift in the main subject from the “man” (the father) to “they” (the sons). Clearly, they are the new focus.
In fact, we have now come full circle. For in verse three, the focus begins with sons and now her in verse five, the focus ends with the sons. The entire circle of life from sons being born to the sons being the newly established men in society in verse is being made complete.
The father’s sons will become the men of influence. Unlike the younger years when they would sit in social gatherings and go unnoticed, in the future, they will command attention and will make a difference. They will take the place of their father.
For the father will be unable to be the focus. He will become like an old warrior. His strength will be gone as his final days consume him. And when his enemies attack, he will not have to defend himself. For his own sons will do that for him. In fact, his enemies in verse five will become “their enemies.” And so, the battle will continue from one generation to the next at the city gate.
This is what the father sees as he looks into the future. Notice that even though he is not the focus of the final two poetic lines, he is still the one who looks into the future though he is not the center of attention. He is the one who sees what “they” are doing.
He sees them contending “with their enemies in the gate.” As Solomon gazes into the future, he changes the imagery from the battle field to the court of law. The gate is the place where legal matters were dealt with. This is an interesting change. It is as if Solomon is saying that the battle continues into the final years of a father’s life even though the field changes. In other words, even though the old warrior is no longer able to fight a physical battle, he may be involved in legal ones as his enemies are still around. And in those situations, his sons will rise up and defend him. And so, the father looks into the future and finds security in his sons.
As mentioned earlier, God’s design is for the father to be faithful in raising his children. And in turn, his children will be faithful towards him and to God. And if this is his life’s work, he will be in a good situation when enemies accuse in a court of law. For his sons will have a great body of work to use as evidence to prove their father’s character. Slander will be short lived for the evidence will be overwhelming. And in such situation, “they will not be put to shame (verse five). They will not walk away defeated and ashamed of their father. Instead, they will defend him to the end.
Such situations are not out of the ordinary. We hear stories all the time of children defending their parents. Parents are often caught in legal situations and their children do take the witness stand, vigorously defending them. But sometimes the scenario is switched when the children choose to accuse the parents rather than defend them. They are brought in as witnesses to attest to the bad character of the parent accused. There is the true story of a mother who is accused of committing murder. It’s not a father-story, but the application will be the same. The story goes that the mother’s character was being attacked through the trial. And in the final stages of the hearing, the children were asked to take the stand. And to everyone’s surprise, they choose not to defend her. Instead, they tell tales of physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Their stories are graphic and dramatic. So abusive was the mother that the children one day secretly record their phone conversations with her with the specific intention of using it as evidence should such a situation arise. Their anger and bitterness towards her drive them to plan a future conviction. And in a shocking twist, such a situation does arise. And the recordings suddenly become damaging evidence of her violent behavior and abusive language. Ultimately, the evidence leads to their mother’s conviction. Her story is the nightmarish side of Proverbs 31:28 where the children of the godly mother rise up and call her blessed. How tragic to end one’s life on the wrong side of this verse! Such tragedy will be so far from God’s original plan for the family.
But the parent or father in Psalm 127:5 looks into the future and sees security as his sons defend him. But again, this security is only the manifesting result of the previous life stages in which the father is faithful to God. He is the one who has provided spiritual nurture so that his sons grow in the knowledge of the Lord. He takes care of them and in the end, they take care of him.
Conclusion
Unfortunately in today’s society, the father is obsessed with the material provision; his concept of future security lies with his own achievements and material investments. To this father, Psalm 127 is directed. It is a message from God about how his life is to unfold. And it comes to the father as a worship song, a song sung to the Lord. And in this song, he finds a powerful perspective on the true blessings of fatherhood.
Someone called this the “quiet blessing,” because all the benefits are not immediately known. It takes a long time to notice. Some blessing in our lives will be loud and to the point while others will be quiet. Regardless of the volume, all blessings are great and gracious gifts from the Lord. And for that, we should be inspired to praise Him, just like the ancient father who sung praises to God as he ascended the hill.
The article you just read is the written version of a sermon by the same name. click:
Click a Father's Day sermon on Psalm 128:3
The changing chapters of a father's life sheds light into intergenerational ministry. Click:
For more insight into ascending the hill (song of ascents), click:
For insight into instruction our children, click:
* this writing also gives further insights in structures of poetic lines.
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