Setting: marriage workshop
Length: 59:15

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Occasion: This is a marriage workshop done for a church where I have a consulting relationship.
Title: Soceraphobia
Commentary: Soceraphobia is the fear of in laws. The origin of the term is not clear, but it has to do with a fear of the head of the household. Part 1 attempts to diagnose the problem of in law conflicts.
Main Scripture: This workshop is mainly a diagnostic exercise. Biblical principles will be presented in part 2.
Main Topics: marriage, in laws, conflict

As you listen, select, copy, and paste the following outline:

Symptoms

In law problems rank #1 among newly weds and long time marriages

Test #1:  Causes of Soceraphobia:  Your Parents and Your In-Laws
    * available at actual workshops

-medical analogy:  diagnosis then operation

The Cause of this phobia

General Causes

      General attitude in society towards in laws

      General discomfort

      General subjectivity

      Generally Intrusive

      General Expectations

      Generally Tense Topics

            -finances

            -raising and discipline of children

            -personal stuff

            -church

            -holidays

            -educational choices

            -lifestyle choices

            -career choices

            -homemaking choices

      General Generation Gaps

-talk about the people involved in Soceraphobia
      -soceraphobiais really mother in law phobia!

      -the mother in law

-the father in law
     
Test #2:  Causes of Soceraphobia:  You and Your Spouse
          * available at actual workshops

-let’s talk about the daughter in law

-the man in the middle
      -the man is caught in the middle
      -if he is sharp, he will be aware that there is a battle brewing

      -now if he is not sharp….he won’t even be aware of the tension

Based on all that you have heard, which 2 people have the greatest tension?

The daughter in law

* She is the one with the soceraphobia!!!!!

Actually…
All relationships breakdown
      -we talked about this during our Conflict Resolution workshops (see icons below)
      -because of sin, relationships will break down

Excerpt:  Understanding external conflict

Luke 6:45 
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
           
James 4:1
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?
                       

What are some unmet expectations in In Law Relationships?

            Mother in Law

            Wife / Daughter In Law

            Son                 

            Father in law

* unmet expectations lead to hurt feelings, anger, bitterness, withdrawal…and…. Soceraphobia

-for all is not lost
-there is hope…this is part 2
Lays out the biblical principles
      -we will talk about the cure for soceraphobia

Coming soon....part 2:

Part 2 offers biblical solutions.
They are built on the biblical principles of marriage and conflict resolution.

In Law relationships in this workshop have been presented as problematic relationships. This is not to say that all in laws are ungodly! Instead this workshop's format of dealing with relationship breakdowns is consistent with all the other workshops that focus on a particular relationship breakdown (i.e. communication breakdown, conflict resolution, sexual conflict, etc.). The specific purpose is to site the problem and propose a biblical solution. Again, this is not intended to disrespect the godly in laws out there who have made a great impact. May God bless all of them.

Because of the emphasis on relationship breakdown, the following workshops on conflict resolution are recommended:

Crazy idea: what if the parents got pre-marital counseling? It's a new chapter for the newlyweds, but it is certainly a new chapter for the parents as well. Understanding the biblical principles of marriage and how it impacts in laws relationships is definitely worth a few counseling sessions. This is mentioned in passing on the webpage on counseling. For more information, contact PT.

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The biblical solution to in law conflicts are built on principles of marriage.
Click the audio icon (topic: marriage).

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